| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|03:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab- We Looked Like Giants | ] |
71 days until we graduate.
* 6,134,400 seconds
* 102,240 minutes
* 1,704 hours
* 10 weeks (rounded down)
Those are some happy numbers. Life is working out so greatly. I keep hearing people worrying about disputes and probelms that they have while they are living here in Louisiana. I don't feel bad in the least to know that I have few problems and sooner, rather than later, any that I do have will simply disappear as I leave this place behind. As most of you know by now, Jen is comming with me. She will be accompanying me to Florida, and will go to school there. We will get an appartment together (or possibly a cheap house) and continue our education there. If all goes well, in 5 years from now, I'll be well on my way to being a pilot and flying into hurricanes. She will be well on her way to becoming a gynocologist. Life seems to be working exactly how I want it to. It has been doing that for the past 5 or so months.
I wonder how long this will keep up? If anything cna be said to be a golden age for me, it is right now. I have achieved a point in my life that I never thought was possible. I am completely satisfied, 0 of the last 30 days have I been depressed at all, I haven't had a panic attack for 6 months, and I've got a beautiful girlfriend to share this happiness with. I guess what I am trying to say, if anyone else is actually reading this... Dont lose hope in happiness. It is the greatest feeling to know that you have no real worries. Dont lose sight of that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|11:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | death cab- I will follow you into the dark | ] |
I met so many people this break. These were all people who knew me 2 years ago and have not seen me since. I dont come home very often. Most of the time, I just chill out at a friends house. This break was different, however. It was mardi gras... so of course, I walked 10 miles down streets crowded with drunks. The air smelled like piss, beer, and cigarettes. When I saw the rebel flags and watched civilized society shrink further and further in the distance, I knew I was back home.
Then it struck me...
What if I had stayed? What if I had decided never to come to LSMSA. Would I have been happier, sadder, or what? I suppose this question was brought about by seeing some of my best friends back at home... or at least, my former best friends. I left, not knowing what was in the future for me. I could have stayed back at home, and lived the ignorant life of happy dunkedness that every other cajun seems to invision as utopia.
It was a necessity. I had to leave, I had no other choice. Life was getting so perilous for me that I struggleed for what seemed like an eternity. I found the way to a whole new world at LSMSA.
And then there was you. Your eyes, smile, skin... all blurred into one, beautiful image. Music seems to always follow you, and your touch sends me instantly into a euphoric state of inebriation. Perhaps I still do live in happy drunkedness, just like all the people back here at home. However, these feelings aren't toxic. They are real, pleasing, and deep. They are like tendrils of heaven slipping across my eyelids as I close them to sleep. You taught me how to love and enjoy life.
In my own little stupor, it may seem that I AM drunk. My mind feels like it is spinning. I feel like I am losing connection with the rest of my body... but this is not at all dysphoric. My head is spinning into a higher and higher feeling of joy and happiness. My mind is transcending my body as it invisions the pure beauty that you enamate. I see you... though you are so far away.
We will be with each other soon again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|10:17 am] |
So, I went all out for valentines day yesterday. I loved it, it is a day dedicated to people like me, and it was a day that I dedicated to my girlfriend. It started off rather simply, I just left little pink notes here and there with clues on the back of them leading to the next clue and the next present. All in all, the clues led to a small box of chocolates and a teddy bear, but then the final note led somewehre very special to the both of us.
It led to the place we first kissed, which is in a very private spot. There I was, waiting for her with a picinic cloth and a lit candle. I had a nice big picinic prepaired. Her reaction was really awesome. She ran to me and gave me a big, 5 minute kiss... haha. Then we promptly got started eating.
It was a great day.
It made me realize exactly what an amazing girl I have. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2006|11:41 pm] |
So apparently Stephanie was worried about me going to the De Ridder dance with Jen because I like to start shit, and I better not start shit this time.
Yeah.. I mean.. hell
I once punched a kid in the face because he looked at me funny.
I'm like a lightning bolt in a can here and all. I'm just waiting to explode at the next opprotunity I get.
Or maybe it's all just made up. Lmao.
However, tommorow, I get to see my love, and we'll have a bit of quality time together with her friends. I can't wait. Sleep well, everyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|01:10 pm] |
I have been neglecting livejournal lately. People seem to think myspace is where it's at these days... why? I dont think I will ever know. I prefer livejournal 10-fold.
I am kind fo sick right now, so I really cant go that far into my life without just passing out due to laziness and tiredness.
Suffice to say that I'm happy now. I think I've grown up. I've developed something radically new to me, a sense of duty. I do things because I feel I have a duty to do them. I percieve myself as Jen's "Man," that guy that will take care of her no matter what problems she faces. We have such an amazing relationship together... and for all that dont know, this one has a good chance of lasting... in every sense of the word.
We are going backpack across Europe this summer, and it won't be pansy-ass western europe either. We are delving deep into the recesses of the world that nobody even dreams of seeing... the greek islands, Troy, Athens, Sparta, Sicily, Amsterdam, Rome, and if we feel particularly daring, Istanbul... the site of ancient Constantinople. The world will be ours, if only for a month and a half.
After that? Well, I cant go too far into it, as our plans are still in the working... but suffice to say that after such a trip, Jen and her mom may have a few problems. She will be 18, so she will be able to have a lot of freedom as far as living is concerned. She has plenty of finances too, to get her on her feet. We shall see where that road leads us; I believe it will lead us into a great new era.
As for now... this era of my life is concluding. LSMSA is ending, winter holds the hibernating forces that will dominate the remainder of my life. I can't wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|09:30 pm] |
1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING! NO GOOGLE!))
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line and list the correct name of the song next to it. (Don't strike out the line until the song's ARTIST and NAME have both been guessed correctly!)
Haha.. good luck guys, here they are:
1) "And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cold breeze?"
2) "Little angel go away, come again some other day, devil has my ear today, I'll never hear a word you say"
3) "Cant you see that I love my cock? Cant you see that you love my cock? Cant you see that we love my cock?"
4) "Do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier? And leave in my wake a trail of fear"
5) "Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there, What does he care?"
6) "Difficult not to feel a little bit Disappointed and passed over When I look right through To see you naked but oblivious"
7) "Stranger with the door key, explaining that I'm just visiting."
8) "Maybe when I am through, we can meet again... further down the river"
9) "I like it best, when you're down with the rest of us"
10) "Cruelty to the winner, Bishop tells the King his lies, Maybe you a mourner, maybe you deserve to die"</strike>
11) "The glove compartment isn't accurately named and everybody knows it."
12) "Dont fret precious, I'm here. Step away from the window, go back to sleep."
13) "Home, home again, I like to be here when I can"
14) "Those left standing will make millions writing books on the way things should have been"
15) "I am a sex machine ready to reload, Like an atom bomb about to Oh ohoh oh oh explode"
16) "Who would wanna be? Who would wanna be such a control freak?"
17) "The needle tears a hole, that old familiar sting"
18) "I'm just sitting in my car and waiting for my girl"
19) "Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you, strange how it turns out that way, yeah."
20) "I have spent all my years in believing you, But I just can't get no relief, Lord!" |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|05:42 pm] |
This year has been the most successful year of my life. I can honestly say that I have accomplished everything that I had dreamed of accomplishing at the beggining of this year. It started amazingly, continuing with ups and downs not all that unlike a roller-coaster ride, and reached a peak at the end of the year.
So.. I will try and recap this year....
The good:
-Being accepted to FIT, and chasing my dreams as a pilot.
-Losing my virginity.
-Pulling off a 3.7 at one of the hardest highschools in the nation.
-Attending some of the best parties I will ever see.
-Being in two commited, long term relationships (with a 5 month break between)
-Getting my own mini-van and drivers liscense!
-Getting my own savings account and checking account, and amassing a sum of 2000 dollars.
-Free loving day, 2005! Nothing more to be said.
-The sweethearts dance and valentines day, the first time I've ever bought a dozen roses.
-Summerschool fun and pulling the highest grade in Latin.
-Experiencing the fun that Lortabs can induce, and realizing that marijuana DOES have medical uses.
-Keeping a few friends back at home, when most others have lost all of their home friends.
-Got drunk for the first time... haha.
-Found out who my true friends are (more on that later).
-Getting an Ipod! They kick ass.
-Getting an aewsome laptop.
-Of course, the most important one of all... the greatest thing about this year was meeting Jen, the best girl and girlfriend who I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. The greatest thing about this year is being in a commited relationship with a girl who loves me just as strongly as I love her.
This year was not without its bumps and potholes, which sometimes seemed like canyons.
The Bad:
-I nearly died... gallbladder surgery.
-An 8 month relationship ended badly, something I had sworn would never happen.
-I did not pull off a 4.0.
Haha..
that's it, seriously. That's the full extent of the "Bad" of this year. Everything else was so minor, that honestly, it didn't even bother me.
My friends.. My true friends.. those that have stuck by me more than anything....
1) Jen. Jen is not only my lover, but my best friend, and I am glad to have her by my side.
2) Taylor Creekbaum. He's the most loyal friend that I have.
3) Mads! Maddison is probably the friend that makes me laugh the most.
4) Kenneth. Kenneth is the best friend at giving advice. He's been helpful the entire time I've known him. I'll miss that roomie.
5) Matthew. He's a friend back at home... and no matter the fact that I am always gone from my hometown, when I come back, he's always great to hang out with.
6) Ian. Another very loyal friend back home. His personality is relaxed and chilled out. He's wise and mature, and I love hanging out with him.
7) Kira. Another friend back home, haha, Matthew's girlfriend. She's fun to hang out with and watch movies with.
There are others, certainly. Many others. These people were the most influential, however, and I'm pleased to have them as my friends.
All in all, this has been the most succesful year of my life. I look forward to another great one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|03:21 pm] |
Your dating personality profile:
Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have. | Your date match profile:
Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship.
Sensual - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. | Your Top Ten Traits
1. Sensual
2. Liberal
3. Romantic
4. Outgoing
5. Big-Hearted
6. Adventurous
7. Intellectual
8. Wealthy/Ambitious
9. Practical
10. Traditional
| Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Outgoing
2. Sensual
3. Adventurous
4. Romantic
5. Practical
6. Funny
7. Intellectual
8. Conservative
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Big-Hearted
|
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|09:01 pm] |
So my tire blew out. Luckily, I was staying at Creekbaums house and I did not reach the intersection by the time it blew out. I could have gotten into a major accident.
Anyway, I pulled the van into a gas station and got Creek to help me change the tires. It worked rather well... and I was all fine and dandy, until I noticed the spare was rather ugly looking and dry rotted. I probably could have driven on it, but it was really, REALLY low. What did I do? I went to air it up....
It turns out the air pump had a broken nozzle. I only let the air OUT of the spare tire, cracking it appart due to it's dry-rotted condition. I am now hanging out at Creek's house, stressed out as hell. My van is sitting in a gas station parking lot without me, but I told the guy at the counter to look out for it. It's only going to be there for 2 hours, and it is a busy area.
At least I managed to call Jen and talk to her for a little while. She always makes me very happy. We only got to talk for less than 5 minutes though, then her mom stormed in and kicked her off the phone as usual, yelling and screaming.
This town does not want to see me leave. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|12:02 pm] |
I got accepted to FIT with full scholarship!
I'm going to become a pilot! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
I dont get angry.
I dont wish people would just die.
I dont punch a hole in a wall.
Until tonight. Tonight, I got angry. Tonight, I wished someone would just die. Tonight, I punched a gaping hole in my wall and my knuckles were bleeding. I didn't have a punching bag, and I am not into self-pain and self-mutilation, but tonight, I made an exception.
Jen's mom is refusing to let me see her on christmas eve and give her my christmas presents. So be it, I'm going anyway.I wont step on their property. If she calls the cops, they will LAUGH. They are not in the business of stopping teens from exchanging gifts.
She's threatened it on numerous occasions.
I love that girl so much, its so sad she has to live with such a fucked up parent. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|09:30 pm] |
I am going to start updating this more.
As such, I am doing the great removal of people from my friends list. No hard feelings, I just dont keep in touch with a lot of them anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
Yeah, I have not updated in a while. I might do it every so often.. whatever. It's the holidays, so that is pretty cool... I'm just worried about Jen. She's off at her mom's house and cant contact me :(.
BUT! to cheer myself up, tehre aer always these little surveys:
In The Last 48 Hours, Have You:
01. Cried: no
02. Bought something: gas, I guess
03. Gotten sick: no
04. Sang: in the shower
05. Eaten: yeah
06. Been kissed: :( I miss Jen.
07. Felt stupid: No.
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: Nah.
09. Met someone new: No.
10. Moved on: Nah.
11. Talk to an ex: yes, actually. MY oooooooold girlfriend.
12. Missed an ex: NO!
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: Jen, but it isnt a crush, so erm? It's a relationship.
14. Had a serious talk: Of course.
15. Missed someone: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS
16. Hugged someone: yeah
17. Fought with your parents: nope
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: I cant be with Jen for the next 2 weeks.. so I guess so?
Social Life
01. Best girl friend: Jen. I believe that relationships also mean you are friends too.
02. Best guy friend: Probably Creekbaum, or Nick, they're both cool.
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Jen, by far. She's amazing.
04. If no, current dating partner:
05. Hobbies: read my livejournal info page.
06. Pager: No, but I've got a cell phone.
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: I dont like wall-flowers. Then again, I dont like centers of attention. Neither.
08. What type of automobile do you drive: Dodge Grand Caravan///// MINIVAN
09. What type of automobile do you wish you drove: I honestly dont care.
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: DATE. NOW!
11. Where is the best hangout: roof of Keyser.. too bad it's closed.
12. Do you have a job: no
13. Do you attend church: NO.
14. Do you like being around people: Yeah, actually.
Who:
01. Have you known the longest: My parents?
02. Do you argue the most with: Republicans
03. Do you always get along with: No, but I always try to fix things.
04. Is the most trustworthy: Jen, Creekbaum, Madison
05. Makes you laugh the most: Jen
06. Has been there through all the hard times: Jen, Matthew (back at home)
08. Has the scariest siblings: Creek, haha.
09. Is the most blunt: Me.
10. Is the smartest: Me. Nah... Louise is pretty damn smart. Danielle too.
Personal:
01. Who is your role model: myself in 10 years.
02. What are some of your pet peeves: selfishness.
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: of coruse I have.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: there was this one time... of the two times I've EVER cried.
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Slightly, but not enough so that it could be called a "type"
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): Yeah.. but I never keep it up for long.
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: No, I just let karma handle it.
08. Would you rather be dumper or dumped? Dumper.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship.
10. Want someone you don't have right now: Kind of. I want her to BE here.
11. Ever liked your best girl friend: Yeah. It happens a lot with me.
12. Do you want to get married: I do, just give it some time.
13. Do you want kids: Definitely.
14. Do you believe in psychics: no, but I believe in physics.
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: It'd be cool if the person I love right now turns out to go on as long as we both would like.... :)
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: My hair!
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: My compassion.
18. Are you happy with you: Yeah. No regrets, man.
19. Are you happy with your life: See the above.
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: That I fastforwarded 2 years and Jen and I were rooming together at FIT.
Current:
[ Current Clothes ] none.
[ Current Mood ] anxious
[ Current Music ] a perfect circle- 3 libras
[ Current Taste ] chips n dip
[ Current Make-up ] none
[ Current Hair ] straightened, really clean and nice smelling
[ Current Annoyance ] Jen's mom
[ Current Smell ] incense
[ Current Desktop Picture ] None.
[ Current Favorite Artist ] the natural world
[ Current Favorite Group ] A perfect circle
[ Current Book you're reading ] none
[ Current CD in CD Player ] No cd player. IPOD
[ Current DVD in player ] Cinderella Man
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] natural
[ Current Refreshment ] water
[ Current Worry ] Jen and not being able to talk to her :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|02:09 pm] |
Well, I finally have a direction for my life. I have picked a college, picked a major, and I feel like I finally know where I am going. I have a dream job to achieve, and a long road ahead of me.
I'm going to become...
A pilot.
There is no greater joy in the world for me than spreading my wings and taking to the open air. I want to see the world and travel around it. I want to meet new and interesting people. Piloting will be a job that I will enjoy. It has many options open for me.
So recently, I was looking through a bunch of universities to find a college that has flight training AND meteorology, which is another fun field that I have always wanted to get into. One of my dream jobs is to join the hurricane hunter team and fly into hurricanes for the National Hurricane Center. I want that option to be open in case I ever decide to apply. After looking through college after college, I found it...
Florida Institute of Technology.
They have a major called "Aviation Meteorology with Flight Training."
O.O
Could I have asked for a more perfect degree? It certifies me as a meteorologist if I wanted to work for the government, and it gives me my FAA liscenses if I wanted to fly a comercial airliner. They also have a scholarship that goes to students who come from "Alphabet Schools" (officially called NCSSSMST schools). LSMSA is obviously one of these.
So there is a university that has my major, recruits from my school, and gives me a scholarship to boot? I'm going.
Taylor Creekbaum is coming with me. We're both going on a road trip together this weekend, just him and I. It promises to be a LOT of fun. Wish us luck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|04:37 am] |
So, for the very first time, I have stayed up an entire night on a school night with zero sleep. I have never done this before, bu t I have to say that it was the most refreshing night I have ever had. I had many deep conversations with Nick and Wes, especially Wes, as the night dragged on. We did everything from watching kung-fu movies to talking about the human condition. The most glorious thing about the night was watching the sunrise on a new day.
The day is mine.
I feel so positive, so enlightened. People are waking up in a dull sort of daze as Wes and I are sitting in the loby, completely clear headed. Jenn comes back today, which makes me extremely happy, and I think I have made a good new friend. Life goes easy on me... life goes on, but in good ways... for now, at least. I have a strange sense of security...
I hope it will persist.
It WILL persist.
As long as I will it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|02:41 pm] |
Who is going party at LSU this weekend with Creekbaum for the game?
That's right. Anthony is going party this weekend.
And I deserve it too, with this crazy hell week!
I'll update you all on how it goes this comming Monday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|11:45 am] |
Do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench and spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?
Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came
And while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old.
--------------------------------------------------
I really do love incubus. It's a pretty good band to listen to for almost any occasion. Anyway, I am resurecting my livejournal.. so anyone who still reads it, please post in the comments, so I know who to take off of my friends list and who to keep on. I'm trying to organize so that I can add new friends to the current list.
So why am I resurecting my livejournal? I don't know. Perhaps I just need a place to vent. I don't plan on this becomming such a place, though. My livejournal will now hold more than just idle venting that seems to have comprised my recent journaling history. My livejournal instead will be used for more thoughtful posts. Lj, combined with my deviant art (drivebyphilosopher.deviantart.com) will serve as a means for me to have an outlet of sorts. I will use both of these for an artistic outlet, a way to comment on society at large, and to keep friends updated as to what is happening in my life.
With no further adeu, I have to say that right now, that word is heavy on my mind. "Friends" and friendship itself is such a subjective term. Often, I find, friends may only be such for personal gain. Even further, some so-called friends only are such when you are in front of them listening to them. Backstabbing is such a common thing today... not only in LSMSA. Hell, people around the world have to deal with shit like that. Honestly, though, it does not phase me. In fact, honestly, it angers me and renders me from my everyday complacency.
Things are going to change from now on. I'm not going to just sit and take lsmsa drama as if it is an inevitibility. I'm not going to just accept when people feel the need to be assholes. They mean nothing to me. As long as I still have a small circle of friends to hold onto, anyone outside of that circle does not worry me. I know the powerful bonds of friendship... trust. Trust may be hard to find, but it does exist.. and it is worth grabbing onto.
I have been forced to reevaluate my trust in a lot of people lately. That would make most people depressed or sad.. but doing this has made me realize the people who I CAN trust. There is no better feeling in the world than knowing some people out there have stayed true to you and are still trustworthy, despite rumor-pandering and weak-hearted, cowardly attempts to destroy happiness. Fuck em ;). |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|03:54 pm] |
Had to edit this entry.
Basically, to make a long story short... some people who I am not interested in "That sort of way" have developed crushes on me. I dont like disappointing people. I'm happy being single. I don't have a date to sadies, though I've been asked, and though I'd still like one. I'm a romantic, and I prefer to go to dances with people I am interested in, at the very least, on a level where I'd possibly like to continue dating.
There, the basics summed up without all those stupid lengthy paragraphs. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|12:09 am] |
So, I did it. I did the impossible. I found the key to happiness... at least, for the next year or so. I am leaving this place (after this year is over), completely. All last year, I realized I had two entire years at this place and I'd have to build up some sort of reputation to make it any distance in this place. Now that I've made it far, got a lot of friends, I'm realizing that I really dont need that any more. I've heard people say that some of the things I do are stupid, some people think I'm immoral in some ways, and others like to judge me. Now I can honestly say that I dont give a damn.
I am responsible whether or not you you realize it. I KNOW how to moderate myself. I may have done things some poeple dont agree with... but I'm not afraid to just go with it anymore. Some people think some of my comments are off the wall, but you know what, that's who I am. I may be a little goofy sometimes, but I find that it gives me character. It is who I am.
Anything I do over the next year, I do not care about what "social reprocussions" that it will have. I don't care to hear how someone might think what I have to say is too aloof for them, too pretentious, too goofy, or too akward. It just doesnt get to me anymore. Nothing does... I've lost friends, and honestly, it doesn't sadden me at all. I've gained friends... ones that matter to me much more this year.
Happiness is available for everyone...
go get it. |
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